not your mother's favorite

In a country where patriarchy plays a significant role, a woman sticks to the conventional way. The basic cycle from school to getting married, trying to fulfill your parent or your parents-in-law's expectations by solely upholding the traditional values that unfortunately become a standard to label a woman, whether she's good or not. Take an example from the most overused obligations to be considered as a good woman is her ability to cook, to obey her husband, and to stay at home while mastering all the domestic chores. There surely is nothing wrong with those if the woman chooses to be a stay-at-home mom. But, what if she wants to chase her visions? She must carry the weight of a double standard: you can work or pursue your dream as long as you can manage the chores and the children. It never happens to men, or rarely. A man can go to work and come home, watching telly.

When a certain tradition becomes a belief in an underdeveloped country, it becomes extremely damaging for women and the country's development. There are two patterns I noticed from women who tried to go 'against' it: underdeveloped emancipation and opposition. The former indicates a behavior that tries to pair the feminist concept with the conventional patriarchal system, but turns out to be a failure. It causes the woman to accept the fact that the tradition is too robust to change. Thus, sticking to the rules becomes the best option; even if her obedience is half-hearted, she must comply to survive. As a consequence, it's what leads to underdeveloped emancipation. She knew what she wanted and was aware of the circumstances, but had to compromise and lose to the system, tradition, and society that forced her to submit.

While the former tends to show obedience attempts, the latter presents the opposite. Opposition can only be done by the women who are privileged enough to do so. She builds a vision, she has dreams to pursue, and all the resources to make them come true. It could be her beauty, her wit, her talents, her skills, or her money that gives her more options to do things in life. The problem is, their role as a woman is being questioned: not caring enough, too selfish, not graceful, labeled as reckless, who tries to go against her 'design' as a woman. The society forgets that a woman is a human being who has both masculinity and femininity, the same as a man. It's the society that was consumed by that tradition and dogma that makes one gender superior to the others; hence, instead of making harmony, it creates chaos, a toxic society, and generational trauma. The society in my country will not be able to see it from a more human perspective unless they are humble enough to be open. Sadly, these women who are awake and choose to stand on their own are still seen to be the rebels, the 'bad women.' 

A society with a strong patriarchal system demands that women follow tradition as well as the rules blindly. The earth keeps rotating, and patriarchy is still ruling. A parent forces their daughter to get married when she wants to chase her dream first, and it becomes complicated for her because now she is against her parent, the tradition, and the system. Women like this are never the favorite here. Can you imagine how hard it is to become a woman when you can dance, but you are asked to sit and be a good girl?

I think I will never be your mother's favorite.